


i can't live without, all I think about, all I want is you

by notthebigspoon



Series: Hurricane [2]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-08
Updated: 2012-08-08
Packaged: 2017-11-11 16:57:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buster knew exactly what he was doing when he started running around on his wife. He knows he deserves all the fallout that came afterwards. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't want to apologize. He just wishes that Tim and Zito would let him.</p><p>Title taken from All I Want by Staind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i can't live without, all I think about, all I want is you

**Author's Note:**

> Follows [ and now we're standing in the eye of the storm and everything is gone](http://archiveofourown.org/works/478727).

BP: Where were you last night? I went to your room, I want to talk.

BP: Tim, please.

BP: I just want to explain.

BP: Just one shot, please?

***

Barry Zito: Leave him alone.

B. Posey: I need to talk to him. He won't listen. He doesn't understand.

Barry Zito: I think he understands it pretty well. And so do I.

B. Posey: I don't think you do. What we were doing wasn't right.

Barry Zito: And you did it anyways. Then you threw him to the curb when you started feeling guilty. 

Barry Zito: I'm not saying him taking part in it was okay. But I know you made promises to him that you never were going to keep. You said all the things people always say. And then you let him down and pretended not to see him fall apart.

B. Posey: That's not fair.

Barry Zito: What's not fair is throwing away someone who is completely in love with you and then running back to him after your wife leaves you. That's not fucking fair to him. I'm really glad he still kinda thinks you suck.

B. Posey: Fuck you Zito.

Barry Zito: No, fuck you. For leading him on, for throwing him away, for coming back for the reasons you did.

B. Posey: I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN.

Barry Zito: By fucking your best friend? Nice. How are they? Still in Georgia?

B. Posey: Kristen took them with her. She gets primary custody.

Barry Zito: Fair enough deal with you fucking around on her.

B. Posey: I'm not even trying to win him back, okay? I wish I could, that would be fucking great, but that's not what I'm trying to do. I just want to explain myself. 

Barry Zito: You'd better be fucking honest with him if he talks to you. If I find out you lied, even by omission, it ain't gonna be pretty.

B. Posey: I'll tell him everything. I just want him not to hate me anymore.

Barry Zito: Wouldn't count on that.

B. Posey: I'm really not.

***

Buster has resigned himself to yet another night by himself. He works out, considers talking to Pence in the gym but the guy seems lost in his own head. Not to mention the Outfielders'n'Ryan have already claimed him and Vogelsong is pissed at Buster too. He rides the elevator up with sagging shoulders, hoping there's going to be something good on TV and knowing that he doesn't have a right to call Kristen to try and say good night to the twins.

His best friend hates him, his (now ex) wife hates him and he rarely gets to see his children. He's not sure why anyone seems to think that he came out on top in this. Buster doesn't feel sorry for himself. He just has a healthy sense of self loathing.

When he steps off the elevator and turns the corner to go to his room, Buster stops short and suck in a breath. Tim is sitting in the doorway of Buster's room, legs drawn up and his chin on his knees. He's got a chunk of hair in his mouth, chewing at it like a little kid. It had always bugged Buster, but mostly because it meant that Tim was very very afraid of something. He doesn't look up even when he apparently notices Buster approaching, doesn't do that until Buster is standing right over him.

“Zeets said I should listen to you.”

“He... did?” Buster blinks. It's not something he expected, given the conversation they had, but it's Zito. There's no frame of reference for anything that he does. Buster extends a hand to help Tim up and Tim takes it, neither of them really thinking about it until Tim is stumbling against his chest. For a moment they both freeze and then Buster lets go, turning away to open the door. “Hang on... stupid lock. Takes forever before the swipe card will work.”

“Every hotel door ever.” Tim mumbles.

When the door finally unlocks, Buster steps inside and holds it open. Tim half nods a thank you and steps inside, arms wrapped tight around his waist and hair hiding his face. Buster nudges the door shut behind them and motions at the room blindly. “Pick a spot. Sorry I stink, I was working out.”

“Just your usual stink. Shower or something.”

It's half hearted but it's something. Tim scans the room before perching in the chair in the corner. Buster doesn't think this is a good idea but Tim isn't looking at him, just staring out the window. Well, he has his orders. He grabs fresh clothes and disappears into the bathroom, showering as quickly as he can. There's a fleeting fear that he's going to step out the door and Tim will be gone. Not that it wouldn't be what Buster deserves.

He tries not to be audible about his relief when he steps out of the bathroom and Tim is still there. Instead he rubs the towel over his head and sits on the bed, chewing on his lip. Tim doesn't turn around.

“Start talking.”

“I cared about you. I did. I... I loved you too.”

“Funny way of showing it.”

“Tim. Please let me just finish.”

“Fine.”

Buster nods and takes a breath, leaning forward and staring at the carpet. “I loved you. And what we had... I didn't want to give it up. But I was married. I was cheating on my wife. And you're going to hate me for saying this but I never should have strayed. What we had shouldn't have started. I knew I was fucking up... she found out. I begged her to stay, I told her I'd put an end to everything.”

“And?” Tim sounds like he's crying. Buster wishes he had a right to hug him.

“And it didn't work. She left me and took the kids with her. It was fast... fucking Tom and Katie fast. Gave her everything she wanted. The house and land in Georgia, her car. I kept the house in San Francisco. She gets primary custody of the kids. I have visitation. Extensive visitation, the lawyer called it, which is fucking bullshit but what can I do. I put myself in this situation.” Buster mutters, finally looking up at Tim. “I didn't treat anyone fairly. I put everyone in awful positions. I hurt everyone involved.”

“So when your wife dumps you, you what? Just come running back to me like you think that's going to make it okay?!” Tim snaps, and it's almost a shriek. His face is red and his hands are shaking, his body looks tensed to spring. As soon as it looks like he's going to move, though, he just deflates and actually starts crying. “Fuck. Fucking fuck, fuck you, don't know what I fucking expected. S'what I am, what I'm worth... replacement that nobody wants.”

“No! Fuck, no, you do not get to say that about yourself. That's not fucking true.” Buster snaps, angry at himself and whoever else made Timmy think that was all he was. He moves off the bed, gripping Tim's shoulders and making him look up. “You are beautiful. You are kind. You are talented. You're amazing and anyone would be lucky to have you. I miss you and I miss what we had, but I didn't come running back to you. I avoided you after Kristen left, because you deserve better than what I did to you.”

“Then why are you putting me through this?”

“Because I'm selfish and you were my best friend and I didn't want you to hate me anymore.”

“Don't hate you.” Tim says. He's not crying anymore, just sniffling, but it still sounds all wrong. “Did, at first. Mostly just missed you. Hated myself. Felt stupid. I cried a lot. Kind of fucking embarrassing now that I think about it. Least I had Zeets.”

“You had a lot of people. Have a lot of people angry at me. Not that I didn't deserve it. Y'know, Molina cornered me and told me to fuck the fuck off? And that that was just what he said in English.”

“You deserve it.”

“I do.”

“I shouldn't forgive you.”

“Probably not.”

“I asked Zito what to do. Told me I should hear you out. But he wouldn't tell me what decision to make. Told me I had to do what felt right to me, even if I've previously displayed the worst judgment ever.”

“And the decision?”

“I don't think you suck anymore. I miss my best friend.”

“That's not a decision.”

Tim stares at Buster before pushing to his feet. His shoulders are slack and he looks a little out of patience and Buster wonders if he's pushed it too hard. He's really in no position to be criticizing. But midway into his overthink Tim is grabbing his shoulders and leaning up to press their lips together. Buster freezes and then relaxes into it, eyes falling shut as drops his hands to Tim's waist.

He's missed this. So much.

It's short, soft, chaste. Tim falls back and he's smiling, bouncing on his heels, hair swishing. He bites his lip, clearly trying to make himself not look quite so cheerful but it isn't working. “First one's free. You'll have to work for everything else. I'm going to bed.”

Buster stares and follows him to the door. He wonders if he should protest and decides against it, just nodding. Tim just says a quiet goodnight over his shoulder before heading down the hall to his own room, hands shoved into his pockets, humming. Buster waits until he's rounded the corner before grinning and shutting the door.


End file.
